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Report ~Criminal~ Aliens

45's Administration established a Victims of Immigration Crime Engagement (VOICE) Office on yesterday, in accordance with 45's executive order in January. The VOICE office, works within the Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agency. VOICE aims to “assist victims of crimes committed by criminal aliens,” according to the Department of Homeland Security.  They selected the term “Alien,” as it is a term used by the federal government to describe individuals who are not American citizens but who reside on U.S. soil. Naturally, we must report any sightings of these Criminal Aliens. If you see any of the following, please report them at 1-855-48-VOICE.

  • Extraterrestrial Life such as a martian, the lovable characters in the 80s film "E.T."
  • A Loche Ness Monster, Sasquatch / Big Foot, 
  • A non-frappuccino Unicorn
  • Muggle-Borns, Mud Bloods, other similar folks
  • A curly fry / onion ring in a bag of regular fries
  • Smooth Criminals (rigid criminals need not be reported)
  • Villains from Alien Movies (obviously not the cuddly, non-criminal type featured to the right)
  • Other related (or entirely unrelated) individuals

CREW's Chronicle of Presidential Conflicts

Election Extremism: French Edition